Casey and I each wrote our own vows and didn't share them before we read/spoke them out loud.
Darla Tuning was the officiant. She used her own words and those of wise writers who have gone before. Except for the bits at the end which we had to repeat (which she phoned us with that very morning, to get permission) we didn't know what she was going to say.
Darla and her husband Mark
opened with "When I Fall In Love." Joe Decker snuck in with the "mawwaige" speech
from The Princess Bride, and Darla interrupted him to start the real
ceremony. It was very funny.
Darla: It is one of life’s richest surprises when the accidental meeting of two life paths leads them to proceed together along the common path of beloved partners, and it is one of life’s finest experiences when a casual relationship grows into a permanent bond of love. This meeting and this growth bring us together today.(1)
Through the memory of humankind, the founding of such a union has been noted as an act of a high and holy order. It has been celebrated with a service of marriage or handfasting - in sacred groves, in humble meetinghouses, under vaulted arches, in temples with ancient rites and in bombed out cellars with hurried words.
Yet neither state, nor church, nor family relations can by the sole weight of tradition, ceremony, or expectations create a genuine joining of people. Such a union comes only through the ripening of love freely given.
Mary and Casey, it is in your power, therefore, and your power alone to bless this service, by the sincerity of your purpose, the strength of your common devotion and the enduring character of your dedication.(2)
Would you take the time now to share your vows with each other:
Mary: [note that this is close but not exact, I ad-libbed a lot] When I first fell in like with you, then love, I loved how kind you were, or are, to other people, to me. I loved your gentle cynicism. . . .
[Mary fumbled a bit, editing from her written piece]
Day after day, our relationship has evolved organically. It has become what it has become, without a lot of guidance, almost no pushing. It just is. And all of a sudden we realize that it's been ten years.
Until recently, we knew we wanted to be together for the foreseeable future. A couple of years ago, suddenly that didn't seem like long enough. And now, we're talking about one day owning a house, and, well, we're making noises like neither of us can imagine not being together.
So this is what I want to say, right now:
Everything we've done, so far, to make our relationship one of the healthiest and happiest I've observed, or that I can imagine? I vow to keep doing that. All the honesty? All the basic politeness, the simple civil behavior, the taking your needs into consideration? I vow to do that until it makes you crazy.
I vow to continue to be a good parent to your dogs.
I will to continue to do my best never to ask, "What are you thinking?" because I remember that it's either, "Mmm, chocolate," or "I wonder if I can rig that Prius to carry missles and go 300 mph." I thank you for sharing your family with me and bringing me fully into your life, while we make sure that we each have happy, independent lives.
I thank you for laughing with me, not at me, and for never telling me not to laugh too loudly in public.
I thank you for bringing me the batter beater when you make cookies and for making excellent coffee and bringing it to me in bed.
So those are just the little things. We'll think of more as the years go on, I imagine.
I vow to remember that no one deserves this kind of thing we've got, we just got lucky, and we worked very hard, and were very careful, and wow, we scored. I vow to remember that this is a gift that it would be stupid to throw away by inattention or inconsideration. I vow to remember that every day, this is, and will be, the best thing that ever happened to me.
I'm glad that, ten years ago, I chose you, very deliberately. I have never been sorry, and never looked back.
Casey: What mystery can we solve today? What can we promise that we have not already proven? Do we offer a resolution for the next decade, or a commitment to remain as we are?
Should we ever promise to remain the same, that promise would break itself. Our promises, some romantic and others pragmatic, must by our natures be unique, and to start, I promise never to force you, me, or us into another's mold. I promise to lend my strength to your vision, and lend my vision to your strength, that we may create a future of joy and success. I promise to keep my heart open to you, and, when I have it, my mind as well.
As the future stands on the foundation of the past, but is unfettered by it, I promise that I will support you, and that I will never restrain you, because your kink is not always my kink. I promise that I will deal with ladders and earthquakes if you will remove the spiders and crane flies. I will be here when you need me, for as long as you will have me.
[After this bit, Mary and Casey snuck in a kiss, then asked, "Whoops, were we supposed to kiss yet?"]
Darla: Mary and Casey, please join hands.
The hand offered by each of you is an extension of self, just as is your mutual love. Cherish the touch, for you touch not only your own, but another life. Be ever sensitive to its pulse. Seek always to understand and to respect its rhythm.(3)
A good relationship, as you have demonstrated over the years, has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart’s. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back -- it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it. The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of participation, it is also the joy of living in the moment. Lightness of touch and living in the moment are intertwined.(4)
"Graceful and Charming (Sweet Forget-me-not)" sung by Casey's sister Lori and her partner Michael.
Darla: Casey, do you take Mary, in all her gentleness, strength, and sensitivity, for her warm heart and her understanding of you, for her search for truth and goodness, and for her courage to embark along new and untried paths as conscience and necessity demand, for her ability to dance by your side as the music plays on?
Casey: Yes, I take her not only for these, but also in laughter and tears, in health and illness, in success and failure, in conflict and tranquility, in doubt and trust, as my wife and my equal.
Darla: Mary, do you take Casey, in all his gentleness, strength and sensitivity, for his warm heart and his understanding of you, for his search for truth and goodness, and for his courage to embark along new and untried paths as conscience and necessity demand, for his ability to dance by your side as the music plays on?
Mary: Yes, I take him not only for these, but also in laughter and tears, in health and illness, in success and failure, in conflict and tranquility, in doubt and trust, as my husband and my equal.
Darla: It is my greatest honor and joyful privilege to tell you it's time to kiss!
Ladies and Gentlemen, lets hear your congratulations!!
(1) Anonymous
(2) From a selection by David H. MacPherson
(3) Anonymous
(4) From Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
All quotes taken from Great Occasions: Readings for the Celebration of Birth, Coming-of-Age, Marriage, and Death.
Some license was taken with altering quotations because of antiquated, sexist, or bigoted language. The officiant says, "The underlying sentiment carried great truth and I wanted to have it conveyed herein."
More photo albums:
The wedding cake
A few photos from Mary and Casey's friends
A lot of pictures from Mary and Casey's friends, more than a thousand, take your time
